My parents tell stories of when I was younger and how I was "full of life". I would lie on the stairs crying and yelling "It's not fair!" and was stubborn as a mule, yet you could find me aiding those family members who were sick as best I could. I truly felt each emotion as it came.
As I grew up I think a part of that was lost. Somehow, in my mind, being mad was a bad thing. Having the guilty conscience I do, I tried not to be mad anymore. I would still get sad, upset, lonely, and hurt, but I would never get blood-boiling angry. I was in a constant state of happiness and bliss and I thought it was wonderful! I never let anything get to me too far. I soaked in all the happiness I could and spread it back out for people who weren't as happy as I was. If someone disagreed with me, hurt me, or did something I didn't like I never got "mad" - only sad or upset and never for very long. I let things slide because it never seemed worth it to get angry about.
I never realized what I was missing out on.
To this day I still don't get mad or angry very often. I am really good at the whole "seeing things from their perspective" thing. Who knows if I'm right or wrong, I just come up with all the reasons they could have acted the way they did and say "They only did this because _____". Yes, sometimes we need to give the benefit of the doubt. Everyone deserves a second chance. But that's definitely not where this post is intended to go.
I am talking about crazy, blood-boiling, pure madness. In the last 4 years I have only been that worked up probably 3 times. At most. I still remember each instance like it was yesterday-complete with the blood running through my veins getting hotter by the second and the speeding heart rate and flustered thoughts. I'm not saying I love the feeling. You feel like you could literally break out into the Hulk or Human Torch at any second and cannot control your thoughts or emotions at all. And that's the madness.
There must be opposition in all things, yes? Yes. To feel an emotion so strongly gives light to the same emotion on the opposite end of the spectrum. Imagine your body as a meter for emotion. If you are content it's about halfway full. If you feel the complete extreme of anger than the tank is all the way full. If you feel the complete extreme of joy than the tank its all the way full. When you have filled the tank once you know what it feels like. You feel alive. The feeling is addictive. It's why people become adrenaline junkies; they know what it felt like to be on the verge of death and it made them connected to what it felt like to be alive in that moment. Same thing goes for joy and anger.
Feeling angry is not a bad thing. It means you have passion about something, care, have a heart and motivation. It lets you know when you feel real joy because the tank will be full again. You don't know how much more happiness can fit, yet it keeps coming. Holding onto that anger is never a good thing. You can't mix anger and happiness in the same tank. Learn to let go so you can open the door to let joy fill you. I don't want to go through life never really feeling it. I want to feel complete and optimal joy...so let me feel this madness.
