I love church. I love the gospel and I love Christ. I just love it! I get so excited talking about it(like when I talk about FALL! And elephants and sunny weather and thunderstorms. Which is a discussion for later when you have an hour and 43 minutes)! But church. Every Sunday, I get to go to church, take the Sacrament and feel the power of the Atonement, listen and be strengthened by other people and their testimonies of God, and strengthen my knowledge of the scriptures.
This past weekend and what has really been on my mind all week can be summed up by the hymn "I Stand All Amazed". I really do just stand all amazed. The love that Christ has for me and you, is so personal and so profound. Something my friend Liz said tonight really hit me. She said that our parents love us a lot and they can't even express how much they love us. But God loves us so much more than that. His capacity for love is infinite and He loves each of us that much.
I think the words in that hymn are so direct and so close to what I feel. I do "tremble to know that for me He was crucified. That for me a sinner He suffered, He bled and died.". I really cannot express how much gratitude I feel when I think about the atonement and the pain He felt for me and the actions He did for me. All so that I can be reunited with Him and God again and I can become perfect. In my times of deep pain and struggle, I know that Christ has felt absolutely every ounce of that pain. He knows exactly what I have been through and am going through. He is so aware of everything. I feel so unworthy of this great gift I have been given.
Which brings me to another hymn that I love-"Because I Have Been Given Much". My favorite verse says "Because I have been sheltered, fed by Thy good care I cannot see anothers lack and I not share my glowing fire, my loaf of bread, my roof's safe shelter overhead that he too maybe be comforted.". That really sums up how I feel most days (it sounds terrible saying most days, but sometimes you get prideful and forget! We are all human!). I just get so overwhelmed with gratitude that I know I have not been given this great of a life for me to just stand around and marvel at it. I have been called to share what I have with others. This not only goes for temporal things, but spiritual things as well. My testimony and faith, spiritual gifts and talents, and the biggest blessing of all is the gospel. I have been given these things not so I can use them for myself, but so I can go out and help bring others to Christ and help them share the joy I feel and the immense gratitude and pure love I feel.
When I think about these things it's so hard for me to be upset when one little thing in my life is not right. And I feel terrible in saying that that is how I have been feeling the past few days is sorry for myself because I don't have the one thing I want. But that's not why I am here. I am not here to wish away my life and to have my heart set on the things that I want, no matter how good or bad that thing is. I am here to help others and be a tool in the Lord's hands. He has given me the blessings I need and the knowledge I need to help others in any way possible.
I guess you could say these two hymns have really impacted me this weekend and really opened my eyes again. Which is exactly what I needed! I can only pray I am successful this week in doing what I have been sent here to do!
I Stand All Amazed:
I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died
Chorus:
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me enough to die for me
Oh, it is wonderful
Wonderful to me
I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine
That he should extend his great love unto such as I
Sufficient to own, to redeem and to justify
(Repeat chorus)
I think of his hands, pierced and bleeding to pay my debt
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet
Because I Have Been Given Much:
Because I have been given much
I too must give
Because of thy great bounty, Lord
Each day I live
I shall divide my gifts from thee
With every brother that I see
Who has the need of help from me
Because I have been sheltered
Fed by thy good care
I cannot see another's lack
And I not share
My glowing fire, my loaf of bread
My roof's safe shelter overhead
That he, too, may be comforted
Because of thy life's mission, Lord
I too will serve
I'll leave the comfort of my home
To teach thy word
I'll seek thy sheep who've gone astray
And those who've never known the way
I will make thy work my work today
I shall give love to those in need
I'll show that love by word and deed
Thus shall my thanks be thanks indeed
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
[Insert Cheesy Friend Quote Here] for my Soapbox.
I should be writing my paper on the Paris Peace Conference of 1919, but something has been gnawing at me for a few days now. And it's a simple little question, but I feel like every day there comes a time when I am disappointed at how "friendship" has become defined to the people I'm surrounded with.
*Before I go any further, this is not an attack on any of my friends. I love you all. I love everyone. But there are idiots in the world that my friends deal with and I hear about it and it makes me sad. That's all this is. It's the other idiots.*
Yesterday while babysitting, she told me about a girl in her class. This girl is 9 years old, and I didn't think this started so young, but I guess it does. She's been telling everyone in her class lies about Gabby and spreading rumors. Then they got paired up for a project and she had no regard for the way they were supposed to do it. It kills me to hear Gabby talk about how much she hurts because of this. She said that her girl friends don't believe it, but all the boys do. Knowing Gabby, the boys are some of her best friends. Keep in mind that this is the 4th grade so there is obviously a boy/girl line, but no matter what, being publicly humiliated isn't fun.
Rule #1: Be Kind. To Everyone.
There is no other way to sum that up. Just smile at everyone. Because life is an amazing gift and journey and no matter what, all we have in this life are the people we meet and relationships we build, knowledge we gain, and wherever our faith lies and our testimonies of that. When you get to heaven you aren't going to escape these people. Just remember that;)
I really like people. I admit that I am a lot less social now than I was in High School, but even now I run into problems with people and how they handle information. One of the worst things in the world is finding out something you said to one person got passed around and twisted. We are all human. It's so unhealthy for us to keep every emotion and thought inside. Some people talk about it just so naturally, but some people like to keep to themselves. Both are fine, but the people who keep it inside need to get it out sometimes. At least to one person, just so they can have someone to talk with and get insight and just vent sometimes. Venting is healthy! The people who talk about it naturally need to remind themselves that sometimes it is not all about you. And not everything has to be a big deal. I'm with that second group. I vent to anyone and everyone about things and I have really been trying to work on that the past few weeks. It's not hard, but I'm actually liking having a personal and private life. Back to the whole keeping your nose out of everyone's business thing. If someone comes to you and tells you a deep dark secret, it's hard not to go to tell your best friend. But you know what? Then that best friend goes and tells their best friend and they tell their best friend and pretty soon, your game of telephone has just exploded into a game of megaphone. And that person who had the original secret now has a lot of explaining to do and a lot of embarrassment. No one likes to be in that situation. Everyone hates to be on that end. So really, if someone tells you something, keep yer mouth shut. They told YOU because they wanted to tell YOU and not tell Susy over there and Bill next to her.
Rule #2: Keep Your Mouth Shut.
The explanation was above. Just don't tell business that isn't yours.
The final issue I bring up today regarding friends (mostly because this post is getting way too long, not because I don't have anymore friend rules) is focusing on the other person. We get so caught up in ourselves, that we forget the world doesn't revolve around us. We have so much to offer the world, but the world we are offering it to is our own if we don't reach out and try to enter someone else's. Everyone is broken. Sometimes we are the one's with the glue that others need and sometimes they have the glue for us. But if one person is carrying the weight in the friendship and is always the one the other has to lean on, it's not healthy. If they are not carrying the same weight than someone gets hurt. If we actually pay attention to our friends lives and keep in touch with them, it is a very rewarding friendship. I know a lot of people, who are there for their friends all the time. I have some amazing friends. They always know just how to fix people, exactly what to say, and exactly what to do. THAT is what a true friend is all about. Doing little things for each other, like texting them to tell them good luck on a test they have that day or making cookies just because or listening to their favorite music instead of yours in the car or actually listening to your answers when they ask the same question "how are you?" every day and asking follow up questions. When you have a real, true friendship, these things will not be hard. And friends like these don't come by so often. I have been truly blessed in my life to have these friends.
Rule #3: Pay Attention
Let's Re-Cap my rules:
1. Be Kind
2. Keep Your Mouth Shut
3. Pay Attention
All three of these just stem from one common theme-the Golden Rule. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". It's so easy to say, but before you do something or say something next time, just think of that rule. Would you like it if someone said that about you? Would you like it if your friend decided it was your turn to pick where to eat? Would you like it if someone remembered the little details?
I write this mainly because I have been annoyed with the amount of hurt I have heard about in people I know lately because of people not following these rules. But honestly, we are all human and we all make mistakes. I know I am terrible at following these rules and I wouldn't be surprised if my friends secretly hated me (haha...I kid..hopefully :) ). But if just once every day we thought about the Golden Rule, I wonder how much better our friendships would be. So this is my challenge to myself and to everyone who reads this. Repeat the Golden Rule.
*Before I go any further, this is not an attack on any of my friends. I love you all. I love everyone. But there are idiots in the world that my friends deal with and I hear about it and it makes me sad. That's all this is. It's the other idiots.*
Yesterday while babysitting, she told me about a girl in her class. This girl is 9 years old, and I didn't think this started so young, but I guess it does. She's been telling everyone in her class lies about Gabby and spreading rumors. Then they got paired up for a project and she had no regard for the way they were supposed to do it. It kills me to hear Gabby talk about how much she hurts because of this. She said that her girl friends don't believe it, but all the boys do. Knowing Gabby, the boys are some of her best friends. Keep in mind that this is the 4th grade so there is obviously a boy/girl line, but no matter what, being publicly humiliated isn't fun.
Rule #1: Be Kind. To Everyone.
There is no other way to sum that up. Just smile at everyone. Because life is an amazing gift and journey and no matter what, all we have in this life are the people we meet and relationships we build, knowledge we gain, and wherever our faith lies and our testimonies of that. When you get to heaven you aren't going to escape these people. Just remember that;)
I really like people. I admit that I am a lot less social now than I was in High School, but even now I run into problems with people and how they handle information. One of the worst things in the world is finding out something you said to one person got passed around and twisted. We are all human. It's so unhealthy for us to keep every emotion and thought inside. Some people talk about it just so naturally, but some people like to keep to themselves. Both are fine, but the people who keep it inside need to get it out sometimes. At least to one person, just so they can have someone to talk with and get insight and just vent sometimes. Venting is healthy! The people who talk about it naturally need to remind themselves that sometimes it is not all about you. And not everything has to be a big deal. I'm with that second group. I vent to anyone and everyone about things and I have really been trying to work on that the past few weeks. It's not hard, but I'm actually liking having a personal and private life. Back to the whole keeping your nose out of everyone's business thing. If someone comes to you and tells you a deep dark secret, it's hard not to go to tell your best friend. But you know what? Then that best friend goes and tells their best friend and they tell their best friend and pretty soon, your game of telephone has just exploded into a game of megaphone. And that person who had the original secret now has a lot of explaining to do and a lot of embarrassment. No one likes to be in that situation. Everyone hates to be on that end. So really, if someone tells you something, keep yer mouth shut. They told YOU because they wanted to tell YOU and not tell Susy over there and Bill next to her.
Rule #2: Keep Your Mouth Shut.
The explanation was above. Just don't tell business that isn't yours.
The final issue I bring up today regarding friends (mostly because this post is getting way too long, not because I don't have anymore friend rules) is focusing on the other person. We get so caught up in ourselves, that we forget the world doesn't revolve around us. We have so much to offer the world, but the world we are offering it to is our own if we don't reach out and try to enter someone else's. Everyone is broken. Sometimes we are the one's with the glue that others need and sometimes they have the glue for us. But if one person is carrying the weight in the friendship and is always the one the other has to lean on, it's not healthy. If they are not carrying the same weight than someone gets hurt. If we actually pay attention to our friends lives and keep in touch with them, it is a very rewarding friendship. I know a lot of people, who are there for their friends all the time. I have some amazing friends. They always know just how to fix people, exactly what to say, and exactly what to do. THAT is what a true friend is all about. Doing little things for each other, like texting them to tell them good luck on a test they have that day or making cookies just because or listening to their favorite music instead of yours in the car or actually listening to your answers when they ask the same question "how are you?" every day and asking follow up questions. When you have a real, true friendship, these things will not be hard. And friends like these don't come by so often. I have been truly blessed in my life to have these friends.
Rule #3: Pay Attention
Let's Re-Cap my rules:
1. Be Kind
2. Keep Your Mouth Shut
3. Pay Attention
All three of these just stem from one common theme-the Golden Rule. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". It's so easy to say, but before you do something or say something next time, just think of that rule. Would you like it if someone said that about you? Would you like it if your friend decided it was your turn to pick where to eat? Would you like it if someone remembered the little details?
I write this mainly because I have been annoyed with the amount of hurt I have heard about in people I know lately because of people not following these rules. But honestly, we are all human and we all make mistakes. I know I am terrible at following these rules and I wouldn't be surprised if my friends secretly hated me (haha...I kid..hopefully :) ). But if just once every day we thought about the Golden Rule, I wonder how much better our friendships would be. So this is my challenge to myself and to everyone who reads this. Repeat the Golden Rule.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Good News! This Week Is Over
But really. I know I didn't post two weeks ago, but if only you knew this past week!! Which you will know now:)
Can I state the fact that I am only taking 15 credit hours? Which really isn't a lot. But add a part time job and church into the mix and it's a little more work to keep up than originally planned! But I got this! This past week was torture. Absolutely torture. It started off with having three exams, a paper (which included basically reading a whole book before writing), and two quizzes. Well apparently Life decided I needed a little break and my History professor emailed and said the essay won't be due for another week. Crossed that one off the list!
I don't remember much about the beginning of the week...Just breakfast Tuesday morning that Koury made for us! MMmmmm Bacon, Eggs, and Cinnamon Rolls:)
Well studying all evening Tuesday night and having another allergic reaction to a bee sting which resulted in some Benadryl turned into Wednesday morning sleeping in...past 10...past my exam. I think I about died when I woke up at 10:20 and realized my exam was taking place at. that. moment. So being me, I almost cried, emailed my teacher and explained the benadryl and the fact I had 3 alarms set that morning but none went off or I didn't wake up and all of a sudden I'm freaking out. Luckily, she let me take my exam the next day. Turns out Thursday I had another exam to take in class and one online due. Hm. The fact that I was so nervous about sleeping in again made it so I didn't fall asleep more than 30 minutes at a time, resulting in probably 1.5-2 hours of sleep overall. Longest Day Of My Life. Needless to say, I called into work that afternoon.
So it was also Hayley's birthday that day so we went out to Harpers for dinner and had a grand old time! She also got a fish for her birthday, which I thought I wanted until I realized that fish are super boring. And I want a kitten cause they cuddle up with you and you don't really have to take care of them too much. But then I remembered they are mean. And I'm allergic. Maybe I'm just better off with my puppy that lives with my parents.
Friday came and I had a few quizzes and a discussion to write for my online class and then that night I got to see my Jenny!! Now for those who don't understand, Jenny is two years younger than me, but totally is me. Like get this: she worked at Chuck E. Cheese this summer. Um, hello! I worked at Chuck E. Cheese three years ago! And she is just awesome. It was so nice to see her! Later we had another game night with Dallas, Amanda, and Savannah, which included dark hide and seek, Mofia, and the game of things.
Saturday I helped a girl from church with her senior project. We played Mud Volleyball as a fundraiser for breast cancer awareness! We had a team made up of 6 people and played some really fun games in the grass and then actually won against a team! Whaaaat!? And then of course our mud games where we won against the same team and then completely lost, but being in the mud and having fun with my team was so great! Now showering was not fun. My feet are still stained orange and it looks like I have one of those rolled in Doritos spotty tans. But it was worth it!
Tonight was the regular dinner/laundry at the home night and it was a blast! Especially with our new friends:) And "My Fair Lady" is good as always, but sometimes I forget how long it really is...
So at least the weekend was fun! Considering the entire week I was not sure I would make it another hour. And you know what? I pulled it off. Even went to institute one night and made A's on all three tests. Like. A. Boss. And a B on the test the week before that I was sure I failed. But really, it's before midnight and I'm positive I will be asleep within the next half hour. How do I do that again? It will be nice to be reminded!
Can I state the fact that I am only taking 15 credit hours? Which really isn't a lot. But add a part time job and church into the mix and it's a little more work to keep up than originally planned! But I got this! This past week was torture. Absolutely torture. It started off with having three exams, a paper (which included basically reading a whole book before writing), and two quizzes. Well apparently Life decided I needed a little break and my History professor emailed and said the essay won't be due for another week. Crossed that one off the list!
I don't remember much about the beginning of the week...Just breakfast Tuesday morning that Koury made for us! MMmmmm Bacon, Eggs, and Cinnamon Rolls:)
Well studying all evening Tuesday night and having another allergic reaction to a bee sting which resulted in some Benadryl turned into Wednesday morning sleeping in...past 10...past my exam. I think I about died when I woke up at 10:20 and realized my exam was taking place at. that. moment. So being me, I almost cried, emailed my teacher and explained the benadryl and the fact I had 3 alarms set that morning but none went off or I didn't wake up and all of a sudden I'm freaking out. Luckily, she let me take my exam the next day. Turns out Thursday I had another exam to take in class and one online due. Hm. The fact that I was so nervous about sleeping in again made it so I didn't fall asleep more than 30 minutes at a time, resulting in probably 1.5-2 hours of sleep overall. Longest Day Of My Life. Needless to say, I called into work that afternoon.
So it was also Hayley's birthday that day so we went out to Harpers for dinner and had a grand old time! She also got a fish for her birthday, which I thought I wanted until I realized that fish are super boring. And I want a kitten cause they cuddle up with you and you don't really have to take care of them too much. But then I remembered they are mean. And I'm allergic. Maybe I'm just better off with my puppy that lives with my parents.
Friday came and I had a few quizzes and a discussion to write for my online class and then that night I got to see my Jenny!! Now for those who don't understand, Jenny is two years younger than me, but totally is me. Like get this: she worked at Chuck E. Cheese this summer. Um, hello! I worked at Chuck E. Cheese three years ago! And she is just awesome. It was so nice to see her! Later we had another game night with Dallas, Amanda, and Savannah, which included dark hide and seek, Mofia, and the game of things.
Saturday I helped a girl from church with her senior project. We played Mud Volleyball as a fundraiser for breast cancer awareness! We had a team made up of 6 people and played some really fun games in the grass and then actually won against a team! Whaaaat!? And then of course our mud games where we won against the same team and then completely lost, but being in the mud and having fun with my team was so great! Now showering was not fun. My feet are still stained orange and it looks like I have one of those rolled in Doritos spotty tans. But it was worth it!
Tonight was the regular dinner/laundry at the home night and it was a blast! Especially with our new friends:) And "My Fair Lady" is good as always, but sometimes I forget how long it really is...
So at least the weekend was fun! Considering the entire week I was not sure I would make it another hour. And you know what? I pulled it off. Even went to institute one night and made A's on all three tests. Like. A. Boss. And a B on the test the week before that I was sure I failed. But really, it's before midnight and I'm positive I will be asleep within the next half hour. How do I do that again? It will be nice to be reminded!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
The Daisies Are Dying-Life Shuffles On!
So here we are, another weekend come and gone! Sort of crazy to think I've been in school for three weeks. It kiiinda feels a lot longer than three weeks. Kind of like I want it to be fall already. Considering I have the best mom who got me the cutest sweater today and the cutest skirt and I just like scarves and sweaters and jackets and FALL HURRY UP.
I guess I didn't really do a legit "weekly" post for last week but more like put some random thoughts down earlier this week..or last week..I don't remember. Well, last week was super fun. Okay, the week itself wasn't really too much fun, but the weekend was awesome! There wasn't really anyone in the suite except Christian and her boyfriend AJ who came up for the weekend, so Liz and Aja came over for a girls night. We went swimming, got pedicures, made fried chicken and the works with that, watched Luke Bryan videos, went on a quest coming back with Strawberry Daiquiri mix that we made with Mountain Dew instead, a very exciting 10 minutes on our way back to the dorm to vote for our friend Jay Carl's contest in time, sleeping on the floor, and a thousand and one giggles! The next day I spent quality time with my boys Seth and Jason at Target and Toys R Us! That night was phase two: Goodbye to Mitch. We went out for cheesecake and such with him and had a good evening just hanging out!
This week was kinda crazy. Wednesday classes kind of clicked for me and I overwhelmingly knew that Anthropology was the right track for me. I'm kind of in love with it and I cannot wait to get out in the world and do what I can! I went to institute where we talked about A Proclamation To The World: The Family. Then I got all excited to have a family of my own one day. So now that I'm excited for any direction my life goes, I'm excited to see where life takes me and what roads pop up!
This weekend has been kind of mellow! Last night I caught up with an old friend which was a lot of fun, and then had quite the bonding experience with the roommates! We tried to make a giant cookie in the oven, but bake it in a frying pan so it basically makes a giant deep dish cookie cake. Well, our ghetto stove decided that it would just be itself and start smelling like nastyness so we turned it off pretty quick. We never took the cookie out, but about 15 minutes later we checked the oven and magically the cookie was cooked to PERFECTION. Literally the best cookie ever.
Today I just did some laundry, some reading, hung out with my mom, took a quiz, babysat, and made some dinner! Quite eventful, I know. But here are some pictures for your entertainment! And some of the suite because I don't think I've actually posted any anywhere.
So this is life! Have a great week!
I guess I didn't really do a legit "weekly" post for last week but more like put some random thoughts down earlier this week..or last week..I don't remember. Well, last week was super fun. Okay, the week itself wasn't really too much fun, but the weekend was awesome! There wasn't really anyone in the suite except Christian and her boyfriend AJ who came up for the weekend, so Liz and Aja came over for a girls night. We went swimming, got pedicures, made fried chicken and the works with that, watched Luke Bryan videos, went on a quest coming back with Strawberry Daiquiri mix that we made with Mountain Dew instead, a very exciting 10 minutes on our way back to the dorm to vote for our friend Jay Carl's contest in time, sleeping on the floor, and a thousand and one giggles! The next day I spent quality time with my boys Seth and Jason at Target and Toys R Us! That night was phase two: Goodbye to Mitch. We went out for cheesecake and such with him and had a good evening just hanging out!
This week was kinda crazy. Wednesday classes kind of clicked for me and I overwhelmingly knew that Anthropology was the right track for me. I'm kind of in love with it and I cannot wait to get out in the world and do what I can! I went to institute where we talked about A Proclamation To The World: The Family. Then I got all excited to have a family of my own one day. So now that I'm excited for any direction my life goes, I'm excited to see where life takes me and what roads pop up!
This weekend has been kind of mellow! Last night I caught up with an old friend which was a lot of fun, and then had quite the bonding experience with the roommates! We tried to make a giant cookie in the oven, but bake it in a frying pan so it basically makes a giant deep dish cookie cake. Well, our ghetto stove decided that it would just be itself and start smelling like nastyness so we turned it off pretty quick. We never took the cookie out, but about 15 minutes later we checked the oven and magically the cookie was cooked to PERFECTION. Literally the best cookie ever.
Today I just did some laundry, some reading, hung out with my mom, took a quiz, babysat, and made some dinner! Quite eventful, I know. But here are some pictures for your entertainment! And some of the suite because I don't think I've actually posted any anywhere.
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| Jason with his artwork on our mirror |
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| What I like to spend my evenings doing..snuggled up reading Mythology! |
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| Reason #487 I love my job: It was 88 degrees outside. |
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| The Perks of Coming Home to do Laundry! |
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| Our giant cookie will last for quite some time |
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| So this is the living room/kitchen/dining room:) Complete with the mystery stained couch |
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| The Possessed Stove. |
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| The Bathroom. Toilet on the left, shower on the right. 4 of the 5 bedrooms are connected to the bathroom. |
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| I just love my pillows:) |
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| Rice and Beans: The dinner of champion broke college students. |
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| My room! |
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Decisions, Decisions!
I have a lot of decisions coming up in my life. I don't want to get into them because they are personal, not set in stone, and I don't want another fiasco like the Australia incident earlier this Spring. But I have some decisions to make.
Up until last year, every decision in my life I had never had to think twice about. Sure, there were hesitations, but it was really I just did what I wanted. I had no major decisions to make, and even when applying for college came around, that decision was basically made for me. Everything ended up pointing to UNCG and I have never doubted that this was the place for me to start my college experience and education. I don't think I even prayed for confirmation about it, but I know now that it was very right for me to be here.
Now I am faced with so many options. The world is becoming so small, yet is so large, and with my young age and my desires, there are many things I want to do and accomplish in this life-both personally, spiritually, physically, and academically. To be a well-rounded person and to become the best, most perfect version of yourself you can be, you have to focus on each of these areas. All of my decisions come down to those four ideals and they even intertwine with one another.
After my decision with school and growing up a little, I have been faced with decisions that I have needed to pray about. Starting off last school year I had something I needed an answer on. My faith in the Lord and His ability to answer me was always there, I had just never used it. After one year, I can see how my testimony in prayer and personal revelation has grown.
The biggest and hardest decision I ever had to make was the Australia one. I was told so many things and pulled in so many directions, it was really hard for me to determine what the Spirit was telling me at first. I wanted to go so bad. I cannot express how badly I wanted to go and how perfect the set up there would have been. The family was wonderful and so kind and I know I could have done many great things while being there. I remember as I fasted about it, I felt like I would be protected if I made the decision to go. I interpreted that as "it's the right decision to go". What I didn't think about was if that was truly the BEST decision and if it was the absolute most right thing to do.
I had been told that sometimes the Lord just lets you do things and make those decisions and He will later confirm they were right. I had experienced this in little ways throughout my life and I had put any feeling of not going on the back burner, telling myself it was fear or anxiety and it would go away in time. I told myself that this time was one of those times that He was saying "do what you want and I will be with you because I trust you to make that decision". He does say that sometimes, and I knew what it felt like for Him to say that. I knew this was not one of those times, yet continued to put that feeling in a box deep inside myself. I knew what fear felt like and convinced myself that this was a different kind of fear that I had never felt before because this was something I had never done before. Obviously, I lied to myself a lot.
Over the weeks and months it took for me to make my decision, I accepted the position as an Au Pair with the family in Brisbane, Australia. Later that night, I received a priesthood blessing and read my patriarchal blessing over and over again. I looked at things with an unbiased eye and felt an overwhelming attitude of remorse and guilt for pushing away the signs and the whisperings of the Spirit telling me to stay. That night I went to bed with a heavy and prayerful heart, hoping I was wrong, but knowing I was right when I finally let the Lord in to tell me I had made the wrong decision. I let the feeling sit for a day, as I needed to in my own personal way, and went to bed with the same feelings. I woke up the next morning and emailed the family back, telling them I could not come and apologized for the back and forth decision. I was sad. There is no other way to say it. I knew that I wanted it more than anything I had ever wanted before. It was the chance of a lifetime. I had told everyone, got my passport, started the VISA paperwork, and started shopping(what girl wouldn't?!). Now I had to break the news to everyone, sit and look at my empty passport, and wear the clothes I had picked out to live in a different country. I just want to give a shout out to everyone who stayed with me during this time. I was not a happy person. I was not a nice person. But everyone who ever gave me advice, talked with me for hours, and helped me realize these things made every bit of difference and I cannot thank them enough.
Over time, I realized I made the right decision. I will always wonder what I would have done and how I would have turned out if I lived in Brisbane for 6 months, and I still feel embarrassed and ashamed for pushing away the Lord who was only trying to help me. While I'm making these decisions coming up, I am keeping Him by my side. I do not want to make the wrong decision, but I know He won't let me if I'm making the right daily choices. It is hard for me to break down and just tell myself that I am not in control. With God, I can do what He wants me to do in my life and I know He will let me travel and see the world while I am doing that. If I had gone to Australia, I never would have volunteered with the kids at the center this summer. I wouldn't have learned so many great things and grown in my testimony in the ways that I did. I wouldn't have met the people I did, become the person I am, and helped the people I helped. Yes, He would have made sure I learned and grew in these areas later and in different circumstances, but it all comes down to timing. He knows the perfect time. He knows the perfect place and the perfect people. He knows the experiences that you need at the right time and in the right place. As I go into making these decisions, I know that without a doubt, I will make the right decisions for my future and He will not leave me.
So here is to growing up, making "big girl" decisions, and being led to the people who need my help the most!
Up until last year, every decision in my life I had never had to think twice about. Sure, there were hesitations, but it was really I just did what I wanted. I had no major decisions to make, and even when applying for college came around, that decision was basically made for me. Everything ended up pointing to UNCG and I have never doubted that this was the place for me to start my college experience and education. I don't think I even prayed for confirmation about it, but I know now that it was very right for me to be here.
Now I am faced with so many options. The world is becoming so small, yet is so large, and with my young age and my desires, there are many things I want to do and accomplish in this life-both personally, spiritually, physically, and academically. To be a well-rounded person and to become the best, most perfect version of yourself you can be, you have to focus on each of these areas. All of my decisions come down to those four ideals and they even intertwine with one another.
After my decision with school and growing up a little, I have been faced with decisions that I have needed to pray about. Starting off last school year I had something I needed an answer on. My faith in the Lord and His ability to answer me was always there, I had just never used it. After one year, I can see how my testimony in prayer and personal revelation has grown.
The biggest and hardest decision I ever had to make was the Australia one. I was told so many things and pulled in so many directions, it was really hard for me to determine what the Spirit was telling me at first. I wanted to go so bad. I cannot express how badly I wanted to go and how perfect the set up there would have been. The family was wonderful and so kind and I know I could have done many great things while being there. I remember as I fasted about it, I felt like I would be protected if I made the decision to go. I interpreted that as "it's the right decision to go". What I didn't think about was if that was truly the BEST decision and if it was the absolute most right thing to do.
I had been told that sometimes the Lord just lets you do things and make those decisions and He will later confirm they were right. I had experienced this in little ways throughout my life and I had put any feeling of not going on the back burner, telling myself it was fear or anxiety and it would go away in time. I told myself that this time was one of those times that He was saying "do what you want and I will be with you because I trust you to make that decision". He does say that sometimes, and I knew what it felt like for Him to say that. I knew this was not one of those times, yet continued to put that feeling in a box deep inside myself. I knew what fear felt like and convinced myself that this was a different kind of fear that I had never felt before because this was something I had never done before. Obviously, I lied to myself a lot.
Over the weeks and months it took for me to make my decision, I accepted the position as an Au Pair with the family in Brisbane, Australia. Later that night, I received a priesthood blessing and read my patriarchal blessing over and over again. I looked at things with an unbiased eye and felt an overwhelming attitude of remorse and guilt for pushing away the signs and the whisperings of the Spirit telling me to stay. That night I went to bed with a heavy and prayerful heart, hoping I was wrong, but knowing I was right when I finally let the Lord in to tell me I had made the wrong decision. I let the feeling sit for a day, as I needed to in my own personal way, and went to bed with the same feelings. I woke up the next morning and emailed the family back, telling them I could not come and apologized for the back and forth decision. I was sad. There is no other way to say it. I knew that I wanted it more than anything I had ever wanted before. It was the chance of a lifetime. I had told everyone, got my passport, started the VISA paperwork, and started shopping(what girl wouldn't?!). Now I had to break the news to everyone, sit and look at my empty passport, and wear the clothes I had picked out to live in a different country. I just want to give a shout out to everyone who stayed with me during this time. I was not a happy person. I was not a nice person. But everyone who ever gave me advice, talked with me for hours, and helped me realize these things made every bit of difference and I cannot thank them enough.
Over time, I realized I made the right decision. I will always wonder what I would have done and how I would have turned out if I lived in Brisbane for 6 months, and I still feel embarrassed and ashamed for pushing away the Lord who was only trying to help me. While I'm making these decisions coming up, I am keeping Him by my side. I do not want to make the wrong decision, but I know He won't let me if I'm making the right daily choices. It is hard for me to break down and just tell myself that I am not in control. With God, I can do what He wants me to do in my life and I know He will let me travel and see the world while I am doing that. If I had gone to Australia, I never would have volunteered with the kids at the center this summer. I wouldn't have learned so many great things and grown in my testimony in the ways that I did. I wouldn't have met the people I did, become the person I am, and helped the people I helped. Yes, He would have made sure I learned and grew in these areas later and in different circumstances, but it all comes down to timing. He knows the perfect time. He knows the perfect place and the perfect people. He knows the experiences that you need at the right time and in the right place. As I go into making these decisions, I know that without a doubt, I will make the right decisions for my future and He will not leave me.
So here is to growing up, making "big girl" decisions, and being led to the people who need my help the most!
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