It's funny how growing up changes you. One day your biggest life decisions are popsicle flavors and what friend to have spend the night. Next thing you know you're biggest life decisions are more permanent, more future and goal oriented, and more heavy. I'm not saying I'm old...I'll only be 20 in a little over a month! But I'm facing these decisions. I'm not who I was 15 years ago, 10 years ago, or even just one year ago.
When I was younger I was a brat. I was jealous of everyone, my motto was "that's not fair", and I would dream of being an only child. Yeah, I was kind of awful. But I could dream! I dreamt of being in the spotlight on a stage somewhere, the bright lights and big city kind of dream. I kept that dream until I was 7. When I was 7 I was still a brat, not as much of one, but definitely still there! I started school a few years before and decided I wanted to be a teacher. That dream was kept alive for the next 10 years, no doubts ever crossed my mind. When I was 17 I took a quiz that told me I would be a good nurse. So I put that on applications! I started the pre-requisites for it at UNCG the next year and didn't mind them. When I was 19 I took my first anthropology course. I would literally sit there and read my textbook. I became fascinated and almost obsessed with the class and the things I was learning. To change from something I deemed as a "practical" life direction to an "impractical", job-less career was a huge stepping stone for me. Looking back now I'm so happy I followed that passion and will one day be an Anthropologist!
Every little girl dreams of her future life, right? At some point, they say "I am going to marry Aaron Carter!" (or whichever boyband/tween crush your heart desires). And that's how it starts. Eventually in Young Women's you make lists. Lists beyond lists. Things you want in a future husband. My lists probably looked something like this:
1. Funny
2. Cute
3. Nice
4. A Member of the Church
5. Musical
6. Sings
7. Will Be A Good Dad
8. Likes Going to Church
9. Irish or Australian or British
10. Served A Mission
And as years go by and lessons are learned, you cross things off your list and modify them. I'm not going to write my list here-some mystery is good for you-but it's changed. Some things have stayed the same, things of the soul and worthiness of the temple have been added, temporal things taken off, and random items added and shifted in importance. But most of all it's the feeling. Am I comfortable around them? Do they make me a better person? Do they make me want to be a better person? Do they love the gospel as much as I do? Those are the really important things along with a few others. A nice little accent might help though:)
Love turns into something else when you grow up. It starts out so pure and innocent and full of life as a child, and when you hit dating ages it forms into something passionate and on a deeper level. As I keep growing and learning, I think love for me now is a mixture of all of that: It's deep, passionate, pure, raw, accepting, growing together, compromising, and beyond words sometimes.
Growing up is more than realizing your wants and dreams and goals, though. It's learning who you are and how you function; it's how you deal with things, treat people, treat yourself. I've learned my strengths and my weaknesses. I am complex. I love snow and rain and sun, but hate the heat and wet and cold. That's a pretty simple example, but it gets the point across. I love living on my own but hate being alone. I overthink...a lot. I worry about things and I have realized that when I have closed off the Lord's communication with me it is fifty times worse. I care about others. A lot of the times I put myself first. I shouldn't, and it's a constant struggle I face and will continue to face, but I recognize it. I know I have the potential to overcome my struggles and shortcomings. I am smart. I love school and I love learning. I remember events, dates, and names but hardly ever school related items. I remember words written, I hardly ever remember things spoken. I need bonding moments with people. I need to make memories with them and talk and laugh to have a good friendship with someone. We all need trust and hope. Hope that we can trust in the first place and hope that we can trust again. Growing up is even deeper than that. It's finding the rocks in your life to hold on to when things get tough. It's standing back up on your two feet, even though it takes time and help. It's humbling yourself to learn and let yourself fall and grow taller. It's being thankful for how imperfect you are and being happy with yourself. It's knowing your faults, knowing they don't have to be permanent, and knowing your strengths and applying them. Growing up is learning, whether its about your desires and wishes in life or about yourself and your needs and wants. It's stretching higher everyday.
When you grow up, you become someone you thought you never would become. You are in places you never thought you would be. You do things you never thought you would do. Sometimes it's scary to look back and see how distant you are from that little girl playing in the sprinkler on her front lawn. But it's easier than you think to keep that part with us. Something I hope to never lose is my confidence. Life is full of rejections, pain, trials, things that push you around. Those can really lower you and sometimes it does. But growing up is just that - pushing yourself to higher places, and refining your skills and learning new ones. It's bouncing back from those even stronger than you were. There's no where to go but up! I'm no where near done growing and I don't think I ever will be and as scary as that sounds and probably will be, it will be crazy and fun and probably different than the plans I have in my mind. But it will be so much better than I could ever imagine!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Boo Bop Be Doo
Anyone who reads my blog probably thinks I'm doing something illegal with my time-I promise I'm not! Everything seems to be going really well! The Chariots get to compete at ICCA in a few weeks and rehearsals are kind of crazy right now for me still getting used to the music and the choreography. But seriously, it's so fun! I am incredibly lucky being able to be a part of this group with some really amazing people that I am enjoying getting to know:)
As far as school goes, it's pretty crazy right now. I am terrible at French, whoever invented the language is an idiot because it makes no sense. My physical anthropology class is pretty exciting and the lab is even better! This week we started talking BIO and got to prick our fingers to test what kind of blood we have. I wasn't really nervous until I had to actually do it. But hey, I have A+ blood! It's pretty smart I guess! Okay I won't make anymore puns...I promise. Sort of. My online classes I keep forgetting about, which is kind of bad but I will have to remind myself more often.
Overall, I'm super busy. Like seriously. I have two hours a day to eat and get homework done before I'm back and completely exhausted. But it's so awesome and so fun! I love everything that keeps me busy and entertained! Except that I forgot my ballroom dance class this week...whoops. This week I'm adding in something else...get ready world because KELLY IS GOING TO START RUNNING. That's right. I will become a runner. Of 5k's. By March 16. Because guess what else. I'M DOING THE COLOR RUN ON THAT DAY. With Liz. YAY:)
So pretty much do you ever just feel like you are doing what you can and you hope you are on the right path and doing the things you should be, but you just don't feel like you are positive you are fine and doing okay? That's kind of how I've been feeling - just going through life and trying to do your best and working on little things here and there and just trying but never knowing if it's good enough. Well today I got the confirmation that I've needed that it really is okay and I am doing just fine. I'm on the right path and doing well with where I am. I've made it more of a point to make my morning prayers more of being thankful and just keeping that constant through the day and that has been such a blessing in itself! I'm so excited to know that we are all children of our Heavenly Father and have the potential to become so much more. And so thankful for that knowledge! This is going to sound silly, but I'm so excited that some day I get to raise a family who will be close to the Lord and enjoy the blessings it brings and the challenges I will face as well. LIFE IS JUST SO COOL!
I'm pretty sure that whole last paragraph was just not related to each other and super random. But seriously this little smile has grown bigger as days go by and I don't see how much more I could be blessed. I'm just hoping I have the energy to pull good grades out of this semester and keep up with all my work! Have a great week everyone!
As far as school goes, it's pretty crazy right now. I am terrible at French, whoever invented the language is an idiot because it makes no sense. My physical anthropology class is pretty exciting and the lab is even better! This week we started talking BIO and got to prick our fingers to test what kind of blood we have. I wasn't really nervous until I had to actually do it. But hey, I have A+ blood! It's pretty smart I guess! Okay I won't make anymore puns...I promise. Sort of. My online classes I keep forgetting about, which is kind of bad but I will have to remind myself more often.
Overall, I'm super busy. Like seriously. I have two hours a day to eat and get homework done before I'm back and completely exhausted. But it's so awesome and so fun! I love everything that keeps me busy and entertained! Except that I forgot my ballroom dance class this week...whoops. This week I'm adding in something else...get ready world because KELLY IS GOING TO START RUNNING. That's right. I will become a runner. Of 5k's. By March 16. Because guess what else. I'M DOING THE COLOR RUN ON THAT DAY. With Liz. YAY:)
So pretty much do you ever just feel like you are doing what you can and you hope you are on the right path and doing the things you should be, but you just don't feel like you are positive you are fine and doing okay? That's kind of how I've been feeling - just going through life and trying to do your best and working on little things here and there and just trying but never knowing if it's good enough. Well today I got the confirmation that I've needed that it really is okay and I am doing just fine. I'm on the right path and doing well with where I am. I've made it more of a point to make my morning prayers more of being thankful and just keeping that constant through the day and that has been such a blessing in itself! I'm so excited to know that we are all children of our Heavenly Father and have the potential to become so much more. And so thankful for that knowledge! This is going to sound silly, but I'm so excited that some day I get to raise a family who will be close to the Lord and enjoy the blessings it brings and the challenges I will face as well. LIFE IS JUST SO COOL!
I'm pretty sure that whole last paragraph was just not related to each other and super random. But seriously this little smile has grown bigger as days go by and I don't see how much more I could be blessed. I'm just hoping I have the energy to pull good grades out of this semester and keep up with all my work! Have a great week everyone!
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Just Another One of Those Obnoxiously Happy Posts
I'm already a week and a half into classes and haven't posted...whoops! Not like anyone reads this thing anyways, it's really just for my own enjoyment and to make sense of this messed up brain I got! Nothin like a good dose of A.D.D. to make it hard to make sense of your own thoughts. Which has gotten me into some pretty rough trouble the past few weeks. I over-think the thoughts that haven't completely formed yet, so it's just been a lot of trouble getting past that. Not the spectacular start to the semester I had been hoping for, but it'll work out! It always does! And that's honestly what amazes me and keeps me going. There really is a unique and individualized plan for each and every person on this planet. No one is doing the exact same thing and will have the exact same experiences and think the exact same thoughts. No two people are completely identical, so why should people live identical lives and have the same story written out for them? Trying to mold them into a story that's not their own just causes chaos to ensue and will be the long road back onto your own path.
While we choose our own paths and make our own choices to go into our very own personalized stories, there are always the "good" "better" "best" options. Personally, I want the "best" option. Always. Yet sometimes, in the middle of our path, we trip over roots, fall down, or we can't see the road in front of us. And that's okay. That's when you hold on and realize that it's hard and it hurts, but in the end, you are still on the best path and it will take you to the best place with the best people for you. And you know what? We all have the opportunity to pick the best path and change paths whenever we want! Any path is hard and has different struggles, but you endure what is put in front of you because it will make you better. You will look back at everything and realize that it was all a part of the master plan for the best! AND THAT IS THE COOLEST THING EVER! Nothing is ever by chance or random. Everything has a purpose and a reason to it. So I'm learning and growing from these experiences that I've been having and going through. I've never felt so blessed in my life! Even when everything is going right, I'm lucky to know that I'm being prepared for more in this life and making me a better person. God has trusted me enough and knows I'm strong enough for the challenges in myself and my life that will make me a better version of myself. I know that whatever happens is all to make me stronger and fit me for the best plan.
So that part was a lot longer than I had planned in my head.
The next super happy thing is this: WE GOT SNOW, PEOPLE. I walked around outside in it but then went indoors to watch it because I remembered I don't like freezing cold weather...or anything below 60 degrees.
The other super happy thing is this: I GOT INTO THE CHARIOTS! It's a co-ed a capella group at UNCG and to quote "Pitch Perfect": "We sing covers of songs, but we do it without any instruments. It's all from our mouths!". So here goes the endless list of songs I need to learn and hours of rehearsals coming towards me, but bring it on! It has been way way too long since I've done something official-type with singing and I have missed it!
Happy Week Everyone!
I leave you with a song that's been stuck in my head all day that I actually super love and has really done wonders today.
While we choose our own paths and make our own choices to go into our very own personalized stories, there are always the "good" "better" "best" options. Personally, I want the "best" option. Always. Yet sometimes, in the middle of our path, we trip over roots, fall down, or we can't see the road in front of us. And that's okay. That's when you hold on and realize that it's hard and it hurts, but in the end, you are still on the best path and it will take you to the best place with the best people for you. And you know what? We all have the opportunity to pick the best path and change paths whenever we want! Any path is hard and has different struggles, but you endure what is put in front of you because it will make you better. You will look back at everything and realize that it was all a part of the master plan for the best! AND THAT IS THE COOLEST THING EVER! Nothing is ever by chance or random. Everything has a purpose and a reason to it. So I'm learning and growing from these experiences that I've been having and going through. I've never felt so blessed in my life! Even when everything is going right, I'm lucky to know that I'm being prepared for more in this life and making me a better person. God has trusted me enough and knows I'm strong enough for the challenges in myself and my life that will make me a better version of myself. I know that whatever happens is all to make me stronger and fit me for the best plan.
So that part was a lot longer than I had planned in my head.
The next super happy thing is this: WE GOT SNOW, PEOPLE. I walked around outside in it but then went indoors to watch it because I remembered I don't like freezing cold weather...or anything below 60 degrees.
The other super happy thing is this: I GOT INTO THE CHARIOTS! It's a co-ed a capella group at UNCG and to quote "Pitch Perfect": "We sing covers of songs, but we do it without any instruments. It's all from our mouths!". So here goes the endless list of songs I need to learn and hours of rehearsals coming towards me, but bring it on! It has been way way too long since I've done something official-type with singing and I have missed it!
Happy Week Everyone!
Thursday, January 3, 2013
The Holiday Season/New Beginnings!
I'm so far behind, I know! So basically finals wrapped up and some grades were better than expected(by far!) and some were lower than I had hoped but you get what you get! This next semester I'm planning on doing tons better-despite the fact that it will be 20x more difficult than last semester.
Christmas! It was...fantastic! It was really one of my first/favorite "grown up" Christmas's. By that I mean I didn't ask for anything for Christmas. I didn't really want anything too spectacular! I got an ironing board, which I have to admit I was beyond excited about (domestic Kelly...when did that happen?!) and a tv for my dorm room. I was honestly most excited about my FANNY PACK though (Join me for Fanny Pack Fridays!):)
The most fantastic thing happened this Christmas. My older brother, Jeff, surprised us and flew home! A few weeks ago he was looking at tickets, but didn't find any. The Friday before Christmas, he bought a ticket and told my dad. My dad kept the secret until Sunday night, three hours before we would leave to pick him up, and told me. I went to get pick Jeff up and we surprised my family when we got home! My mother was floored, as expected, and everyone was in the Christmas spirit just in time for Christmas Eve!
With the arrival of my brother, Christmas was so much more family centered. Being out of school for a month and not working for a few weeks has given me the time to hang out with my siblings and my parents. I have loved getting to know them more and strengthening our relationships! Listen to how awesome my family is-Sophie is the most hilarious and deep and honestly the coolest person I know. Jack is the most entertaining, positive, and uplifting person. Nicole is sweet, patient, and witty. Jeff is thoughtful, caring, and loving. Danika is smart, also extremely thoughtful, and creative. Each one of my siblings has grown more and it's been amazing to notice the changes in them through the years and their experiences!
So here comes the general New Years Post, but it's done for a reason, right?! So. This year. 2012. It definitely was the craziest, most insane roller coaster ride ever. I've done a whole lot more internally than I would have ever thought I would/could do. I thought this year would be..different. I had planned 2012 to be my year to travel and do what I had always wanted to do. I didn't plan for this year to twist and turn so much! But I wouldn't change this year for the world!
This year I have strengthened my testimony in so many ways. I've learned that I am stronger than I could ever imagine when I have the Lord beside me. I've had some really fun times with some really amazing people. I saw my best friend of 4 years for the first time since she moved. I made another amazing best friend that I got to room with. I spent the summer with a few close, fun, and caring friends. I made a lot of friends I wouldn't have met before. I made one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. There's a lot that happened this year that was amazing and a lot that happened that was hard, but worth it!
All in all, 2012 was great and I am so ready to move forward with 2013! This years focus will be to see how I can improve myself each day. Merry Belated Christmas and Happy Belated New Year to all of you!
Christmas! It was...fantastic! It was really one of my first/favorite "grown up" Christmas's. By that I mean I didn't ask for anything for Christmas. I didn't really want anything too spectacular! I got an ironing board, which I have to admit I was beyond excited about (domestic Kelly...when did that happen?!) and a tv for my dorm room. I was honestly most excited about my FANNY PACK though (Join me for Fanny Pack Fridays!):)
The most fantastic thing happened this Christmas. My older brother, Jeff, surprised us and flew home! A few weeks ago he was looking at tickets, but didn't find any. The Friday before Christmas, he bought a ticket and told my dad. My dad kept the secret until Sunday night, three hours before we would leave to pick him up, and told me. I went to get pick Jeff up and we surprised my family when we got home! My mother was floored, as expected, and everyone was in the Christmas spirit just in time for Christmas Eve!
With the arrival of my brother, Christmas was so much more family centered. Being out of school for a month and not working for a few weeks has given me the time to hang out with my siblings and my parents. I have loved getting to know them more and strengthening our relationships! Listen to how awesome my family is-Sophie is the most hilarious and deep and honestly the coolest person I know. Jack is the most entertaining, positive, and uplifting person. Nicole is sweet, patient, and witty. Jeff is thoughtful, caring, and loving. Danika is smart, also extremely thoughtful, and creative. Each one of my siblings has grown more and it's been amazing to notice the changes in them through the years and their experiences!
So here comes the general New Years Post, but it's done for a reason, right?! So. This year. 2012. It definitely was the craziest, most insane roller coaster ride ever. I've done a whole lot more internally than I would have ever thought I would/could do. I thought this year would be..different. I had planned 2012 to be my year to travel and do what I had always wanted to do. I didn't plan for this year to twist and turn so much! But I wouldn't change this year for the world!
This year I have strengthened my testimony in so many ways. I've learned that I am stronger than I could ever imagine when I have the Lord beside me. I've had some really fun times with some really amazing people. I saw my best friend of 4 years for the first time since she moved. I made another amazing best friend that I got to room with. I spent the summer with a few close, fun, and caring friends. I made a lot of friends I wouldn't have met before. I made one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. There's a lot that happened this year that was amazing and a lot that happened that was hard, but worth it!
All in all, 2012 was great and I am so ready to move forward with 2013! This years focus will be to see how I can improve myself each day. Merry Belated Christmas and Happy Belated New Year to all of you!
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