Thanks Rafiki and the Lion King for the advice. Pretty much my entire life I've been interested in the "Why" in people. Why do they act the way they act, say the things they say, what makes them think the thoughts they have? Digging deeper-what makes them who they are? What are the tiny turning points, or the major ones, that created the person standing in front of me?
I'll be the first to admit, asking questions and follow up questions are not my strongest suit, but I'm becoming more and more intrigued. My old philosophy was don't ask. It's okay not to know and for them to not tell you, but accept them anyways and you'll figure it out eventually. Now, my philosophy is ask questions and if they want to tell you they will. Either way, I think the past is important.
The tricky thing is to not judge of the past. I have actually never had this problem. Everyone makes mistakes and it comes naturally for me to forgive and move on and focus on the person they are now. There have been experiences in my life where I've been hurt and I find it so easy to forgive and I know the Lord has blessed me with this ability.
What brought this to my attention was the pool. I was out today at my friends apartment and all of a sudden, there was screaming and crying. I felt awful for the people who got hurt and knowing that it would take a lot of time for her to heal. I had no idea what the situation was, but not too long ago I was the girl bawling my eyes out(I can never yell at people when I get mad. I just hole up and shut my mouth. That's how you know I'm angry) and feeling hurt. Theeeen her screaming got ridiculous and about sandwhiches and although the empathy was still there, it lost a little credibility..haha. But that principle stayed in my mind. This was one of those experiences that would probably shape her.
I have a visual mind. I come up with things and interpret them through little pictures in my head. One is of a Kaleidoscope Heart. We start off our lives with our heart a certain color. But as we go through life, fall in love, have our hearts broken, break down on our knees, are filled with charity, serve others, we lose pieces of our heart and have little holes. These gaps are then filled with other peoples pieces of their color that they gave to us, service shown to us, love from our Heavenly Father, and happy moments. In the end we have a beautiful mosaic, work of art. We have a heart that is colorful, full of life, broken and mended in different places, no two exactly alike.
I think pasts are a beautiful thing we can learn from. I haven't felt like I have a very exciting past or life so far, but the people I've met and their life's experiences and the perspective they give me has been something that has shaped me. You can learn from how people pull out of these things and how they grow and become who they are. It's an incredible thing to see just another piece falling into place, and know the growing experience never ends and to hopefully be a part of theirs.
I think one of the best quotes I've ever heard is from Elizabeth Kubler Ros who said
"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."
I have had the opportunity to meet many beautiful people in my life who have taught me all these things and more. My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends, and neighbors. This life isn't easy, it wasn't supposed to be. It's how we shape ourselves and pick up the pieces that counts. Learning from the past.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
What I Want To Be...And How I Got To The Conclusion.
This weekend I took a day trip to Wilmington with my cousin Marianne. It was incredibly fun and it's been a while since I've laughed that hard! I forgot how much fun she is and I know I forgot how much I love the beach. I'm just dying to go back already!
When I came back, I had come to terms with everything and the way my life is right now. I'm still in Greensboro. I'm going back to my old job from last school year/summer. I still live at home. I had a once in a lifetime opportunity to go to Australia for 6 months but turned it down. These are all the negative feelings I had been carrying around with me for a while now. It gets to you and it's unhealthy. Somewhere this weekend, between a relaxing day at one of my favorite places and a sacrament meeting at church that felt like it was meant for me, I realized that I am exactly where I need to be. I've had this realization before a few times, but I was in need of it desperately at this point. I needed something to pick me back up and say "It's okay you are not where you wanted to be at this point in your life. You are exactly where you need to be". I needed that more than ever.
So tonight I was thinking about how I don't want to be the girl who stays in Greensboro forever. I don't want to be the kind of person who wastes their potential because they were too scared to take the chances. I've had so many chances pass me by, I don't want to let more of them go. I'm fighting between my eagerness to get out into the world and see things; experience life; learn and grow from others and cultures and see the world, and the feeling that I know that is the Lord just telling me to calm down for a minute, I'm only nineteen and these chances will come in the Lord's time.
I made a list of what I want. I realize that the Lord will bless me with these things in His own time and His own way, if these are even my blessings in this life, but I have to remember to keep Him first. Here's the list: travel, marriage. That's pretty much it. Everything I want in life is summed up those two words. I want to see things most people will never get the chance to see. I want to meet people who live in a completely different culture and have completely different systems. I want to connect on a personal basis with amazing people from around the globe. But I also want a family. I want to cook a delicious dinner for my husband and family and be the domestic person I never thought I wanted to be. I want to teach my children to love the gospel and rely on the Lord and work hard. I want to go through trials with my husband right beside me and Heavenly Father leading the way.
I'm just so eager and feel so ready to take on the world! It's so hard for me to sit here waiting for the green light. But I have have have to be patient. I have to sit this one out and keep praying about these opportunities that come by. I have to pray diligently for those opportunities and that I can be ready. I have to study my scriptures and learn from the examples in there. I have to forget myself and serve others because I have been so incredibly blessed. I have to remember to live as Christ would and keep myself thinking only of perfection. This is the only way I can get there, but sure enough, I'll get there.
This post really didn't mean to turn out like this. I just started with a simple little thought and it turned into a super long, calming note to myself...which I'm pretty sure that's what this entire blog is anyways:)
When I came back, I had come to terms with everything and the way my life is right now. I'm still in Greensboro. I'm going back to my old job from last school year/summer. I still live at home. I had a once in a lifetime opportunity to go to Australia for 6 months but turned it down. These are all the negative feelings I had been carrying around with me for a while now. It gets to you and it's unhealthy. Somewhere this weekend, between a relaxing day at one of my favorite places and a sacrament meeting at church that felt like it was meant for me, I realized that I am exactly where I need to be. I've had this realization before a few times, but I was in need of it desperately at this point. I needed something to pick me back up and say "It's okay you are not where you wanted to be at this point in your life. You are exactly where you need to be". I needed that more than ever.
So tonight I was thinking about how I don't want to be the girl who stays in Greensboro forever. I don't want to be the kind of person who wastes their potential because they were too scared to take the chances. I've had so many chances pass me by, I don't want to let more of them go. I'm fighting between my eagerness to get out into the world and see things; experience life; learn and grow from others and cultures and see the world, and the feeling that I know that is the Lord just telling me to calm down for a minute, I'm only nineteen and these chances will come in the Lord's time.
I made a list of what I want. I realize that the Lord will bless me with these things in His own time and His own way, if these are even my blessings in this life, but I have to remember to keep Him first. Here's the list: travel, marriage. That's pretty much it. Everything I want in life is summed up those two words. I want to see things most people will never get the chance to see. I want to meet people who live in a completely different culture and have completely different systems. I want to connect on a personal basis with amazing people from around the globe. But I also want a family. I want to cook a delicious dinner for my husband and family and be the domestic person I never thought I wanted to be. I want to teach my children to love the gospel and rely on the Lord and work hard. I want to go through trials with my husband right beside me and Heavenly Father leading the way.
I'm just so eager and feel so ready to take on the world! It's so hard for me to sit here waiting for the green light. But I have have have to be patient. I have to sit this one out and keep praying about these opportunities that come by. I have to pray diligently for those opportunities and that I can be ready. I have to study my scriptures and learn from the examples in there. I have to forget myself and serve others because I have been so incredibly blessed. I have to remember to live as Christ would and keep myself thinking only of perfection. This is the only way I can get there, but sure enough, I'll get there.
This post really didn't mean to turn out like this. I just started with a simple little thought and it turned into a super long, calming note to myself...which I'm pretty sure that's what this entire blog is anyways:)
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