This weekend I took a day trip to Wilmington with my cousin Marianne. It was incredibly fun and it's been a while since I've laughed that hard! I forgot how much fun she is and I know I forgot how much I love the beach. I'm just dying to go back already!
When I came back, I had come to terms with everything and the way my life is right now. I'm still in Greensboro. I'm going back to my old job from last school year/summer. I still live at home. I had a once in a lifetime opportunity to go to Australia for 6 months but turned it down. These are all the negative feelings I had been carrying around with me for a while now. It gets to you and it's unhealthy. Somewhere this weekend, between a relaxing day at one of my favorite places and a sacrament meeting at church that felt like it was meant for me, I realized that I am exactly where I need to be. I've had this realization before a few times, but I was in need of it desperately at this point. I needed something to pick me back up and say "It's okay you are not where you wanted to be at this point in your life. You are exactly where you need to be". I needed that more than ever.
So tonight I was thinking about how I don't want to be the girl who stays in Greensboro forever. I don't want to be the kind of person who wastes their potential because they were too scared to take the chances. I've had so many chances pass me by, I don't want to let more of them go. I'm fighting between my eagerness to get out into the world and see things; experience life; learn and grow from others and cultures and see the world, and the feeling that I know that is the Lord just telling me to calm down for a minute, I'm only nineteen and these chances will come in the Lord's time.
I made a list of what I want. I realize that the Lord will bless me with these things in His own time and His own way, if these are even my blessings in this life, but I have to remember to keep Him first. Here's the list: travel, marriage. That's pretty much it. Everything I want in life is summed up those two words. I want to see things most people will never get the chance to see. I want to meet people who live in a completely different culture and have completely different systems. I want to connect on a personal basis with amazing people from around the globe. But I also want a family. I want to cook a delicious dinner for my husband and family and be the domestic person I never thought I wanted to be. I want to teach my children to love the gospel and rely on the Lord and work hard. I want to go through trials with my husband right beside me and Heavenly Father leading the way.
I'm just so eager and feel so ready to take on the world! It's so hard for me to sit here waiting for the green light. But I have have have to be patient. I have to sit this one out and keep praying about these opportunities that come by. I have to pray diligently for those opportunities and that I can be ready. I have to study my scriptures and learn from the examples in there. I have to forget myself and serve others because I have been so incredibly blessed. I have to remember to live as Christ would and keep myself thinking only of perfection. This is the only way I can get there, but sure enough, I'll get there.
This post really didn't mean to turn out like this. I just started with a simple little thought and it turned into a super long, calming note to myself...which I'm pretty sure that's what this entire blog is anyways:)
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