Just The Baby Steps

   P90X is completely kicking my butt, but I love it! I had forgotten how great it feels to be so sore and be happy with the work out you did that day. It's just one thing that I've been meaning to do for a while...a long while, but never got around to doing because it didn't seem so important. Turns out that it was.
   I haven't been myself for a while. Let's face it, everyone goes through those times where they just don't feel comfortable, don't feel like themselves, judge themselves and others too quickly, and is plain broken for a bit. Well that's been me for the past two months and you never see it coming till you turn around and look one day at who you are and who you were-not that I'm unhappy with who I was. I know the changes I should have made and chose not to make them.
   But I'm turning that around now. I'm doing things for me because they make me happy. We all need those few things in life that just make us happy to be ourselves. I went in to the nursing home to fill out my volunteer paperwork and get a tour and let me just say that I felt amazing walking down those halls(granted I got lost a few times!) knowing that I was going to be helping in probably the slightest of ways. This was what I needed to do a long time ago. The great thing about life is that it's never too late to start. That was my lesson I learned this week. It is never too late to start thinking of others, be humbled, learn, and share. So I started. I'm going back tomorrow and Friday and will probably get a rhythm going next week with more regular times and I AM SO EXCITED!
   Another thing is the P90X. I've never been a sporty-athletic person. If I had kept with soccer when I was 7, maybe. If I had ever let my mom put me in a tutu instead of running around in my batman cape at 5, maybe. But I wouldn't be who I am today if I had made those choices. Instead, I've always found a love in exercise. I am the worst at being consistent! So the whole P90X thing is a great way for me to start! They say after 21 days of doing something consistently it becomes a habit, so 90 days should be an awesome experience! As long as I push it through these first 21:) Like I said earlier, I love being sore. I love knowing I am working hard and pushing my body more than I thought I could. I love sweating out the stress and not being able to walk after. I just love it. I feel more confident in myself because I know I can make it through an hour of an extreme work out. And that's another thing I needed- my confidence back.
   Those two things along with my gratitude journal starting back up have made the past two days completely different than I've been feeling this past month. I feel alive again. I feel like I can conquer the world-they way I should feel. I've stopped sweating the small things, worrying about my life plans, what other people think, and holding onto my own expectations. I am not completely healed yet, nothing can do that except time. But I'm doing everything in my power-holding up my end of the bargain-and soon enough, I will not be as fragile. And doing these things are getting me there faster, even in just these baby steps!
   Now to get to bed since I have some yoga to do at 7 in tha morning!