Some Nights

   Some nights I have so many emotions I just don't know what to think anymore. And most of the time that's overwhelming for me. But sometimes it just goes like this where I feel so calm and there is no reason other than Christ that I should feel calm.
   My insides should be churning. It sort of is, but overall I just feel calm. I feel reminiscent of the past, sad because I know how incredibly happy I was then and how confident I was, blessed because I just have so much to be grateful for(don't even get me started...I can't stop my list of things I am blessed with!), confused by my own feelings, but just an overall sad/happy combo.
   I kind of hate nights like this-where I don't even have a word for what I'm feeling. I want to cry but smile at the same time. I'm so so happy because I have a testimony of prayers and of the Lord and that I am His daughter and He loves me so much and is making sure I am on the right path. But there is just some sadness under there.
   In the end, I know it will only last for a night. I'll listen to "The House That Built Me" three more times, do my stuff before bed, and snuggle up under the covers of my fake bed. I'll wake up in the morning with the sun shining and the promise of Friday, a day off work, and a three day weekend to make me smile. And this feeling will all be over.
   And yet, as I typed that, it kind of makes me sad that this feeling will leave. Sometimes it's just nice to feel calm and know that everything is being taken care of.